GRANDMA PAT, formerly of Rural Roberts, Wisconsin, stated: “I recently made a carrot cake out of a mix. Right on the front of the box was the words ‘Imitate Pieces with Carrot Flavor.’ I had a question: Pieces of what?”
“I also noticed a confusing list of ingredients on a packet of ice cream bars. This is distinctive ‘Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate-flavored Shell.’ Again, question: What is this coating?
The third mystery item was a box of frozen raspberry waffles. In that box was a menu describing ‘nuggets for blueberry flavor and elderberry juice for colour’. There was no indication what the gold nuggets were made of.
“I think I have two options: go back to cooking from scratch, as I have done for many decades, or avoid my eyes when dealing with food packages.”
Till death we part
Vision section (responsive)
Norsky writes: “I came across Wayne Nelson from a picture and report of Forest Lake in the Sunday newspaper [Sunday BB, 7/17/2022] I called my wife to look at the picture. I asked her, “Who is this like?” When she didn’t answer, I said: “Gruucho Marx.”
“We used to watch Groucho on his TV show ‘You Bet Your Life’ in the 1950s. He showed a secret word that was attached to a duck on a rope that had fallen in front of a contestant if he said that word during their conversation. When that happens, the contestant will win money as well as the money they They win it for answering his questions correctly.
“Jay Leno revived The You Bet Your Life show this year. My wife and I laugh a lot watching her every day of the week. Instead of a duck, Jay uses a batch of scraps of paper when the contestant says the secret word.”
Life as we know it
Polyana of Clifton, Wisconsin (“Formerly Lakeland”): “Theme: New Project.
“We moved to Clifton two years ago. We made our bid on this house one week after my mother passed away, and a week before we hit COVID. We closed our doors the day after George Floyd was killed. It was an eventful time!
“Anyway, we have a really big yard now. I wanted a wildflower garden on one side of the driveway. I looked up how to make one and honestly leveled the space, covering it with black plastic last fall and all winter. We have a lot of wind here, so there was Many alternatives to shredded plastic in this setup. This spring our neighbor offered to plow it for us. It’s 16 feet by 130 feet. In May, my husband told me he thought we should grow vegetables. My unexpressed thinking was: “Why?” You just love to eat corn and peas! But I kept silent. I told him I wanted to make room for the wildflowers. I planted four types of sweet corn, Yukon Gold potatoes, carrots, lettuce, spinach, broccoli, two types of tomatoes (we don’t eat tomatoes, but hope to make some good sauce), two types of peas, watermelon, cantaloupe and squash. For some reason, few sown seeds sprouted on the ridges, so I planted them again. They are now in control of the garden! It is very exciting! The squash has overtaken spinach on one side and lettuce on the other. I grow pumpkins only for the seeds; Last year I bought seven and ate most of the seeds myself. Also, I did not eat potatoes. Hope we get some!
“I didn’t really know what I was doing when I was planting. The whole garden is kind of an experiment. I spent hours feeding the gnats and gnats while clearing out the crab and the grass. And golf balls! I found over a dozen in the plowing dirt. Here he hits balls from near the house to the area that is now the garden.
“Our father was a gardener. We always had corn, tomatoes, peas, strawberries, radishes, cucumbers, onions, grapes, gooseberries, and even peanuts in our garden in Mendota Heights! When they moved to Washington, the garden got smaller, but he got many Of the apple trees he trained to grow along the fence so he could reach the apples. My parents always had juices and homemade jams. My dad also made wine and root beer. I hope we can guide my dad a little when we bring our harvest.”
permanent family record
Cherry D of Inver Grove Heights: “Theme: Discoverers, trustees?
“One day, my brother and I were doing some cleaning at our mother’s house. She had just moved into an apartment in a large community.
“In the bedroom, I saw a lovely little table, and it had a nice wooden chest on it. Since my mom collects the small and pretty boxes, that’s no surprise. The box was 6″ high, 5″ wide and 5” deep. It felt heavy. I spotted a poster on top. Curious. Then I read the label. It said, “Virginia Johnson’s Ash Cream.”
“I found Grandma! We never knew my mom had Grandma’s ashes.
“My brother took the box, read the label and tried to return it to me, saying: ‘You are the eldest – keep it! ”
“Who finds something to keep?”
Lowest Common Consumer
HORNTOAD of White Bear Lake: “Theme: Not good.
“My wife and I go for walks in the evening in the area near our house. Sometimes we take a path that goes through a wooded area near a lake. In one place along the path is an overflowing pond.
“The pond is about 150 feet by 50 feet high and possibly 4 to 5 feet deep, and is surrounded on all sides by a very steep bridge intertwined with grasses, reeds, brush and trees that have grown thick and tall over the years. The water is almost covered with a layer of algae and platforms tulips.Despite this, it all makes for a very interesting sight.and ducks love it.
“Between the driveway and the pond there are signs warning people that there is no boating, fishing, skiing or swimming. It is of course better to help the citizens to be safe. Someone added a health joke below one of the signs: “Breathe is optional.”
“I look at this place and wonder how anyone would take a boat into the pond, or worse, how would they get it out. And why would they want to put a boat there, where there are no fish.”
“It doesn’t make sense to skate in there either. There’s no heating house, it would be boring, and you’d have to crawl into the banks while you’re holding dead brush to get out. Also, don’t you know it’s a block away is . . . ice yard. Really.”
“Swim? That’s funny.
“However, the signs should stay in place exactly as they are. Better safe than sorry. This gives pedestrians a little chuckle as they cross the small pond where activities they don’t want to do are not allowed.”
Everyone is a copy editor!
Donald reports: “Subject: They’ve done it again!
The front page of last Monday’s Variety section of the newspaper west of St. Paul carried an identical headline to one that appeared not so long ago on the same site: ‘Top 5 Things We Did Late Last Week’.
“Because it was such a blunder, I considered it might be an ongoing joke.
I gave up on that thought when I followed the article to page E6 and saw this headline: ‘Top 5 things we ate last week. ”
“Maybe they ate late.”
Not exactly what they had in mind?
SNACKMEISTERIN reports from Altoona, Wisconsin: “Theme: Independence Day.
“At our last town hall celebration on the Fourth of July, one of the songs played during the fireworks display was ‘Independence Day,’ recorded by Martina McBride in 1994 (I can’t believe it was that long ago!). As Rolling Stone magazine noted:[I]It was easy to mistake a country song for an American song! United States of America! National anthem. It was titled after America’s most patriotic holiday, after all, and an irresistible chorus of “Let Freedom Ring!” Looks like it’s specially made for the upcoming 4th of July small town festivities. But the true meaning behind “Independence Day,” written by Gretchen Peters and recorded by powerful vocalist McBride, has lost a lot of listeners – the Fourth of July holiday apparently turns out to be a tale of domestic violence and the brutal actions of a woman to escape abuse in the home.’
The chorus goes like this: ‘Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing / Let the whole world know that today is the day of reckoning. / Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong / Roll the stone away, let the guilty push / It’s Independence Day.
“Interestingly,” Sean Hannity used the song as a theme on his radio show from shortly after 9/11 until 2014; Sarah Palin chose it as a live song during her campaign for Vice President.
“I’ve previously noticed how people grab a song title without paying attention to the lyrics and use the song inappropriately (“I Will Always Love You” is about a breakup, but people want it for wedding music all the time.)
As Hermann Hermann sang: “Listen, people! (Wait, don’t bother—the lyrics to that song don’t match what I’m trying to say, either!)
This ‘n’ This ‘n’ Other ‘n’ Other
The B Heartland Division
Al B of Heartland says: (1) “I have learned . . .
“April is one of the harshest 12 months of the year.
“If they want to speed up baseball games, MLB referees must call in batting any time a fan in the stands catches a ball.
“If you are chased by an angry mob of taxidermy lovers, don’t die.
“If I were a spy, being tied up in front of a TV showing any of the 24-hour news channels would quickly leak the beans.”
(2) “Have you ever felt like you’re the only one with so many pictures? Cheer up; there are at least two of us. You and I are in this together, and I’m glad your company is. I have thousands of pictures of birds, mammals, insects, and wildflowers for use in magazines and newspapers, but I I try to delete most of them. I’m like your brother who replies to every email – in the end. “Fix it on” means I’ll have to deal with him at some point – maybe… But first, I need to take more pictures of those bald eagles on those two looking nests Like the upside-down Volkswagen Beetles in the King’s trees.”
(3) “I make it a rule of thumb to consider every cardinal.”
(4) “I see organized groups culling our garbage canals. They are doing a good job.
“I pick up litter when I’m a bird and have so many years I don’t remember when I didn’t. I can’t pick up everything, and I don’t try. I can pick up some, and I do.
“One day, I found a complete pen. It wasn’t squashed by a car tire. It had no ink on it, but you can’t have it all.
A woman asked me why I collected the garbage. She probably thought I had been sentenced to community service. I said, “I am a bird.”
Today’s band name: secret words